Dear Therapist: Curiosity can kill cats

I hope this one doesn't sting, so I'll explain the best I can. Curiosity can kill cats...

When we ask questions, there appear to be at least a few reasons why, and I'm sure you could come up with more. Firstly, during intake or a screening call or in session, we need to learn information. We need to know names and places and birthdates and histories. Secondly, we are plain curious. People like to be explored, and partly, this is the reason they came to therapy. Encountering themselves through a dialogue and conversing clearly creates premises for such questioning. 

Thirdly, and most dangerously, we ask questions because we ourselves are guarding some type of fear, insecurity, ego defense, or countertransference coming up for ourselves. Call it what you will, but it is for us and not our clients. It's that sinking or sneaking feeling in our chests, stomachs, or heads that makes us feel weak or vulnerable, framed as an innocent, audible question.

There is nothing innately wrong with such a thing, but it can obstruct the client's process if not addressed adequately by you. Namely, through processing, whether it be in supervision, in therapy, or with your client. This is the kind of insecurity that is natural when we encounter other human beings, but as a therapist, it can breed odd power dynamics at the least and firing from your client at the most. So! My tip to you is to notice whether you are asking questions for your client or yourselves.