Dear Therapist: Lower The Stakes

Lowered stakes for you mean lowered stakes for your clients. As you know, I'm a big fan of a parallel process between our clients and us, addressing our own countertransference to help understand what's going on in the room and with the clients' transference.

If you arrive with an expectation that the client needs to change - for instance - they have a very good potential to feel that. And so just check what you bring. And remind yourself that they'll only grow when you clear the way. Meaning that your own level of internal contentment will be a place where you mirror the clients' internal world, whether the glass is smudged, filthy, or spotless.