All couples fight. And arguement is necessary for growth. If anyone isn't arguing, either there is a lot to be said, or this is the death of a relationship! I don't like to be too black and white in my thinking here, but we can all attest to this in some way throughout our own lives. But there is a helpful maxim that I learned from a mediation professor in grad school who said, "Fight early and fight often..."
Of course we can't encourage our clients to resolve vonflcit through violence, but don't be afraid to give permission for them to get closer through the negotiation of often opposiing viewpoints.
In my own session this morning, a man was scared that he fought too much with his partner. And that if he did not fight with her, he was even more fearful that he'd harbor resentment. And I really validated this. Because that does seem to be the real - and often more destructive - danger. If we do not fight, we signal to someone else that they aren't worth the breath. And that we should carry our private battles alone. Seems counterintuitive to partnership and being in relationship.
So, get a little angry this weekend... And if it's ever with me, I will always welcome it.
