Earlier this week, a man processed sadness, grief, fear, and anger towards a shooting. I spoke very little and only addressed his anxiety over it happening to him initially. This was about 35 minutes into the session, until his feelings of anger came back. And it reminded me of something elemental about anger and fear.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the allowance we give fear to drive us forward towards a more just action. Anger is thus a catalyst for the fear in making productive movement. And I advised him to hold on to the anger, as it was a ward against cowardness.
In my twenties, I often loved to encourage the healthy expression of anger in my more violent men, because its inexpression was often the very thing that caused pain in their worlds. Now, at 32, I remember that old feeling of resonance in anger because of the senseless violence caused by the hands of systems I have little to no personal control over. But as a therapist, I can help influence the lives of others so that they can use such emotion in more functional ways of being.
So, if you hear a cry of hopelessness or fear this week, encourage them to experience and express their anger. (Without violence, of course.) In my client's case, he is going to a protest and vigil this weekend. Don't let fear weaken resolve, but use it as fuel toward right action.
